It is absolutely imperative that we learn to communicate well with our husbands. When I feel strongly about something my natural tendency is to raise my voice. Unfortunately the tone of my voice frequently causes my sweet husband to shut down and not really hear me.
I have learned (and am still learning) not to discuss issues in the heat of the moment because inevitably my voice will change to that tone that does not get heard. It is times like this that I “Do the Hard Thing” and back off and try to figure out how to explain my thoughts without raising my voice. Then I write a note/letter expressing my feelings or pray about it and find a better time to bring up the subject, calmly, in meekness, not demanding or condemningly.
There have been times that I have been very upset about something, gone in the other room, prayed about the situation for a few minutes (maybe it just seemed like minutes and was really mere seconds ) and then got out paper and pen and wrote him a letter about how I felt. It is actually very funny because several times when I have done this and truly let the Lord lead me as I have written it, I have found that I end up apologizing for my faults and committing to change first and then mentioning whatever it was that had riled me so.
The key to writing this kind of thing is to keep it to yourself and re-read it before placing it where he can find it. A few weeks ago there was something that happened that bothered me. I sat down and proceeded to write him a letter. When I was finished, I prayed about it and felt that I was NOT supposed to give it to him. As you can probably imagine, I was not happy about that but I followed that feeling. The next morning the thing had been completely worked out; God had dealt with him and I didn’t have to say a word about it. Some may think that I had wasted my time writing the letter but I disagree because I was able to get my feelings out to where I had fully expressed my thoughts on the subject and yet I did not do anything to damage our relationship or disrespect my husband. Win-win! (Quote from Letters to Juliet.)
Other times I have waited for a calm moment and were alone and told him that I had something I’d like to talk to him about. Then I proceeded explaining my thoughts and feelings CALMLY without raised voice. I cannot stress enough how important it is to keep the tone down. The first time I did this I brought the subject up when we were at a restaurant alone. I knew that having the external control of being in a public place would cause me to watch my tone and keep my voice down. It worked well! That experience showed me how important the tone of my voice is. Does this mean that I never raise my voice or never discuss things at the wrong time? Lord forbid; I am, most definitely, a work in progress, much to Mike’s dismay, I think.
Until next time, communicate well, and God bless,