When things are difficult in marriage, it is easiest to see what your spouse does that aggravates you and disregard what you do. It is much easier to wish he’d change and maybe even nag him to do so, than to see areas where you may be in need of change. The fact of the matter is that you can’t change someone else; you can only change you.
So when you find yourself frustrated with your spouse, stop and remember the things you love about him. I know when you are frustrated, all you can see are the frustrating things. It takes real effort to focus on the good he does but it is definitely worth it.
Now comes the really hard part. Stop and assess your behaviors, actions, and words. Are there some things you should or could do differently to bless your man? What are the things that you need to change? Purpose to work on one of these. Your beloved has probably given you some clues, if not told you outright, as to what you could change. Take all of this to the Lord in prayer and follow His guidance about what you can do to make your situation better. Purpose to make an effort to change one thing. It may be doing something you know he would like. It may be stopping something that bothers him. Whatever it is, determine to change the one person you can change – you. It won’t happen over night but little by little things will improve.
One time I asked Mike what little things he would like, that I could get for him. It was a hard question for him because although he knew he’d like me to get him little things from time to time, he could not give me any ideas. So, he asked me what I’d like. Thankfully, I was ready for that one. There are brightly colored bouquets of flowers available inexpensively at Walmart. One day I took a picture of them and made it the wallpaper on my phone, so I could easily show him exactly which flowers I liked. I also told him a couple other things I’d like.
Since that time, he has surprised me twice with a bouquet of those flowers, for no reason at all, except to make me happy. Now, I will say, it has been a long time since I told him about this but it was worth the wait. You see, Mike has never been a “romantic” per se, so this is something he has begun to change, for me.
I, on the other hand, have tried to speak words of appreciation to him. Sometimes I write them on notes and put them in his lunch. Sometimes I brag on him to the kids, in his hearing. These are not easy things for me but I’m trying too. These little positive changes help undermine frustration. It takes work. I started working first and over time, he has blessed me with some changes of his own.
God is good and when you pray about your marriage and seriously pray about what you should can do to better it, He will direct you and it will pay off, one way or an other.
Until next time, God bless,