Category Archives: Marriage Monday

Because your spouse matters

The Wife Challenge

I was reading Ephesians chapter five in the Amplified Bible, one day last week and came across the scriptures about wives relationship to husbands.

Verse twenty-two wasn’t to much different than what I’ve heard before.

22 Wives, be subject (be submissive and adapt yourselves) to your own husbands as [a service] to the Lord. (AMPC)
I thought that was it. But of course, I finished reading the chapter that day and came upon the last verse of the chapter, verse thirty-three, which reads,
33 However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly].(AMPC)
Wow, this is really a great list. It is a list that I should pay attention to. The respects and reverences part isn’t what jumped out at me. The Amplified uses multiple English word equivalents to clarify the Hebrew and Greek word meaning and context. So it is these words that made the meaning of respect and reverence a bit more clear. ;)
  • notice him
  • regard him
  • honor him
  • prefer him
  • venerates, which means regard with great respect, revere
  • esteems, which means respect, admire, value, regard
  • defers to him
  • praises him
  • loves him
  • admires him exceedingly

 

I’m challenging myself to use this list as a daily reminder. I think I will note an instance where I did one of these, either journaling or in my bullet journal.

I hope this scripture helps deepen your relationship with your hubby. :)

Until next time, God bless,

Michele ºÜº

Miscommunication in Marriage

I read in a book recently about a couple of things that happened to two married couples. They were situations where the husband had done something nice for the wife but when the wife saw what the husband had done, she focused on something that was done “wrong” or merely differently. All the husband “heard” was that he didn’t do it right and wondered why he even tried to do something nice at all.

Scenario 1

Upon reading these scenarios, I could totally see what happened. The first husband had gotten their young daughter ready to leave while the wife was getting ready. Unfortunately he’d chosen one of the child’s “good” outfits and that is what the wife focused on.

I can imagine that when the wife came in she thought how nice his actions would have been if she didn’t have to change their daughter anyway. She could have handled it better by thanking her husband for what he did and finding a nice way to inform him of the use of different outfits. ;) I’m guessing he just put something cute on his daughter instead of thinking about the appropriateness of the outfit for the day’s activities.

Scenario 2

A similar thing happened with the other scenario. The wife came into the kitchen after dinner and saw the husband sweeping the floor and most of the kitchen cleaned. She asked why he didn’t clean off the counters; naturally, he felt unappreciated, especially since he hadn’t finished the cleaning of the kitchen.

I’m guessing that the wife sweeps the floor when she is completely finished cleaning but her husband swept before he’d wiped the counters. His way was not wrong. It just wasn’t the way the wife does it. Now, she should have thanked him for cleaning the kitchen before asking why he didn’t clean the counters but still, it was just a communication error. (This book made it into something else entirely.)

These two situations remind me that my way is not the only way to complete a task and that I need to be sure to express my thankfulness for the help I receive. It also reminds me to watch the tone that I use to ask questions. I can think of a couple of different voice tones that can be used to say the exact same words but change how they are received. One sounds like nagging and ungratefulness and the other sounds thankful and curious.

Something Flylady taught me

I’m reminded of something I learned from Flylady: Housework done incorrectly still blesses your family. It doesn’t have to be done perfectly and it doesn’t have to be done the way mom taught me to do it, as long as it still gets done. ;)

I had to release my expectations on different household chores and allow others to do it their way. Michael does not fold towels the same way I do but that doesn’t make his way wrong and mine right. It really isn’t worth getting upset over or having to do it myself.

I hope this encourages you to express your thankfulness more and be sure to lighten the tone when asking why something was done differently than you’d do it.

Until next time, God bless,

Michele ºÜº

Worship: It Does a Body (and Marriage) Good

It is peculiar times we are in right now. Some churches have begun having services again but others have not here in Oklahoma, USA. I have found that I have really missed corporate worship!

A “friend” on facebook shared this link to a virtual choir singing The Blessing. It really ministered to me. There’s just something about harmony that moves me. :)  I watched on other virtual choir, not long ago and I’ve come to realize that I really like this and am now on a quest to find more.

Another song that has really ministered to me, for a long while now, is Spirit Lead. It truly is my heart cry!

I always feel so much better after having spent some time immersing myself in some wonderful worship music. It does my marriage good. :)

This is another favorite. :) (I may have shared it before; I honestly don’t remember.)

I hope these songs minister to you.

Until next time, God bless,

Michele ºÜº

Time for a Reset

There are times that it just seems that Michael and I are at odds more than not. It is a bit frustrating when that happens but just takes a bit of care to get righted again. :)

  • For the next several days I’ll be intentional with my thoughts
  • and actions.
  • I’ll do something special for him
  • and give him attention.
  • I’ll be sure to speak his love language
  • and won’t forget getting close

When we are at odds, it is generally because we have let something slip. Maybe we weren’t as kind in our words or maybe there was a perceived slight.

I will not think on the negative. I will think on what I can do to show love, in words, deeds, and touch. :)

I hope this will help you to look at what you can do to smooth out a bumpy road between you and your love rather than dwell on the negative, which will only make matters worse. ;)

Until next time, God bless,

Michele ºÜº

Help Your Hubby Win on Mother’s Day

For so many years I just expected that my dear hubby should know how to make me feel special on special days like my birthday and Mother’s Day. This is not the case. I have finally learned that I need to tell him what I want in order to receive what I want. It’s not that I’m picky but he just is pretty clueless where romantic gestures are concerned (and honestly always has been ;) ).

A couple of weeks before my birthday I start announcing that my birthday is coming up. Yep, just a like a child does. Do you know what Michael said? He thanked me for reminding him. And do you know what he said every day when I mentioned it? He thanked me again, until the day that he remembered and had it all “sorted.” :)

I started reminding him a few days ago that Mother’s Day was coming up in XX days. He was a bit flustered but I just simply said, you know, in case you want to get your mom and me a card and have hers arrive in the mail before Mother’s Day.

Find out how your husband wants you to help him be successful on special days. Maybe yours just wants you to send a text or email at the beginning of each month with the special days to remember that month. Maybe he needs a gift list or a daily reminder. It’s important to only give him the help he wants.

I hope you have a wonderful week and Mother’s Day, God bless,

Michele ºÜº

The Little Moments are Important Moments

I read this post over on The Generous Husband about it being the little moments that forms one’s character. It’s really interesting. It has really made me think about what my little moments say about me.

I do try to apologize and make things right when I have a moment that is not one that I want to be a part of my character. ;)

It is definitely something to think about. Give it a read, it’s short and won’t take long and it could help your marriage. :)

Until next time, God bless,

Michele ºÜº

Fighting Fair: Really Listen

I was looking through my pinterest board for ideas for today’s blog post when I was reminded to truly listen when my hubby talks, especially when it is a topic where I have a very different opinion. Sometimes I am frustrated and begin coming up with my rebuttal, and sometimes even butt in, interrupting him as he is talking. :(

If I am not really listening to his words and following along with his train of thought, how can we communicate? The problem though is that as he talks a thought jumps into my mind, related to what he’s saying–usually in opposition to what he is saying :( — and it generally completely disappears if I don’t say something but that is not fair to him.

I guess what I need to do is to pray, as a general practice, that when I have a conversation with someone, but especially with my hubby, that God will bring all the words back to my mind that need to be said. :o

My natural instinct is to write it down so that I don’t forget it but that is not fair to him either because, again, I am not focusing on what he is saying but with my argument. If I am unable to recollect my thoughts, then either they may not need to be shared or maybe they are better left to another time.

Here is the post/article that got me thinking about this: 15 Rules for Fighting Fair in Marriage.

What are your thoughts? How do you handle tough conversations (fights)? I guess I have been more concerned with proving I’m right, than for us to come to an understanding. :( Ahhh, more to pray about. :D

I hope you have a good week.

Until next time, God bless,

Michele ºÜº

Better Conversations

If you house is anything like mine, you’re having quite a bit of togetherness right now. ;) It could be a good time to start a new habit.

Here’s an interesting idea for questions you can ask that are more meaningful than “How was your day?” I realize that you are probably pretty aware of what each other is doing, but if you get in the habit of asking one of these deeper questions each day, maybe at dinner each night.

The webpage even has a nice printable so you can have a handy reference or even put it on the refrigerator. You could put it in a page protector or laminate it and mark them off as you use them.

For a while when our kids were young, we asked what each person’s high and low were for the day. It was a good way to get everyone to talking and relating at the dinner table. :)

I hope you find this link helpful. I think it is; it’s nice to have help coming up with questions/conversation ideas.

Until next time, God bless,

Michele ºÜº

Advice for When there is More Togetherness than Usual

This week I thought I’d keep it simple. Hubby has been home for a couple weeks now. On a usual basis, Michael can be gone from home less hours than most husbands and we work well with that but I do NEED him to be gone for some time. Don’t get me wrong! I love my husband very  much and he loves me very much. We enjoy being home together and doing things together.

But . . . he can get a bit stir-crazy when he is home when he wouldn’t normally be home. And his antsyness can ruffle my feathers a bit. ;) So, in light of that I have to things I try to keep in mind.

I hope this encourages you today and blesses your marriage. :)

Until next time, God bless,

Michele ºÜº

Complaining is Dangerous

When things are a bit stressful, it is easy to have things that bother us and that can lead to complaining. According to a few websites, complaining rewires the brain towards more complaining and I doubt that is what you want . . . I know it isn’t what I want.

Here are some pages to read about this:

There is a book about this information called The Squeaky Wheel by Guy Winch.

There is something to be said for positive confession. If complaining rewires your brain towards more complaining, then surely thinking on positive things can rewire your brain towards more positive thinking.

Until next time, God bless,

Michele ºÜº