Throughout our married life, there have been things I’ve heard or read about that sounded like a wonderful idea. I even, kind of, envied the people who did them. But when I’d mention them to Mike and we’d talk about them, they were things that he just wasn’t comfortable with.
One such idea or suggestion was that you pray together as a couple. This was suggested to us, as something that was a great start to a life together, before consummating our marriage. This we did and are glad we did but it is not something that we continued to do. (Please, don’t throw any stones our way. ) Mike has always felt that prayer is a personal thing. He prays for me both in her personal time with God but also when I need prayer for sickness or some struggle. We just don’t pray together as a couple. If you do, that is wonderful and I am happy for you.
Just because something is wonderful for many couples does not mean that it is the only way. I show respect for Mike’s feelings by not nagging him to do something that he does not feel to do. I also do not disrespect him by talking badly about him to others. Neither do I pray and ask God to change him regarding this; I have simply asked God to change me where I need to change, which He knows and I don’t, and to change Mike in areas he needs to change. I will not pray witchcraft over my beloved, asking God to change him in the ways I think he needs to change but merely ask God to show him the areas God sees he needs to change. I focus more on asking God to change me and show me where I need to change because that is something I can actually accomplish. I cannot change Mike, if I wanted to.
My advice: If you hear about something that someone you respect recommends, pray about it first. Then if you still feel it is something worth investigating for your own marriage, talk about it with your spouse. (You could point your spouse to the appropriate resource to learn about it, if it is a new idea or something you cannot explain well on your own.) Don’t push him! If he gives in and does something just because you are pushing him to do it, he may be resentful every time you do this thing. Better to either come to an agreement together or wait it out and let him instigate the addition of this thing.
What is good for one, some, or even most people is not necessarily good for all people! I’ve learned this with homeschooling too, but that is a subject for another day.
I hope this gives you another perspective and maybe even a freedom to do what is best for you and your spouse, regardless of what is best for others. (This does not mean things that are sin . . . sin is sin and not to be messed with.)
Until next time, God bless,