Love grows and changes. In the beginning it feels like butterflies, all warm and tingly. Then when you spend lots of time with that person, you begin to see some of their flaws. You grow comfortable with each other. You are less surprised by things he does. Love matures and the butterflies are gone. Love has turned into a commitment to one another.
It is my opinion that people confuse those butterfly feelings with love. That is not love. Those tingly feelings are excitement, enjoyment in surprise, getting to know someone but be assured, those feelings are not love. Love really is a choice. You may start out with those tingly butterfly feelings but as you get to know each other the feelings grow, deepen, and change. Change is not bad, just ask a butterfly.
The problem arises when you’ve been in a relationship for a while and it has grown into a life walk committed to one another . . . life happens . . . bills, children, families, friends, jobs . . . all have different demands and it is possible that you’ve even taken your spouse for granted. Now, what you do next is very important! Sometimes you meet someone knew that is your “type” and you can begin to feel those butterflies. STOP! This is not love! This is meeting someone that is interesting and possibly even someone that you could “connect” with and those feelings of spontaneity and wonder that you associate with being in love can begin to surface. Again, I’m warning you, this is not love!
You can make those same feelings arise with your mate. Honestly, you can! It just takes a little work. Feeling those butterflies with someone causes you to begin acting/doing things–this is not always bad, as you probably did it with your spouse when you met. So, to get those feelings back, start acting/doing things. Be spontaneous or deliberate. Put forth some effort into your relationship. You’ll be surprised how things start to turn out.
Now I have to warn you: don’t go into this doing things for your spouse with the ulterior motive of wanting him to do things for you. If you miss something he used to do, tell him or write him a note: Remember when . . . or I remember when you . . . It made me feel so loved and special.
Stop and think about when you first met the one you are with now. How did you act? What did you do? Did you talk together for hours? Well, spend a few minutes really connecting with your spouse now. A lot of our feelings we feel stem from our attitude. It is hard to feel love (and butterflies) when you are keeping your mind full of negativity and frustrations. Instead thing about his good traits and how much you love him and how sexy he is. Getting your mind in the right place helps change your attitude and ultimately your feelings.
I hope this encourages you to think on good things and work towards feeling those loving feelings towards your mate once again. A good marriage is one where love is ever changing.
Until next time, God bless,