Do the Hard Thing

Do the Hard Thing ~ LifeOfJoy.meSometimes marriage can be challenging. ;) So many times situations arise and I can be more concerned about getting my point across or making Mike see a different side, that I fail to remember that he’s fully invested in what is going on too. Sometimes the best thing I can do is shut my mouth! Seriously!!! Marriage takes self-control and self-discipline.

This is not easy! I’m the type of person that likes to keep working on something until it is worked out, fixed, or completely rectified. What I have slowly come to realize is that at some point I’ve stopped giving new information or new viewpoints and have started repeating myself and I cannot make anyone agree with me. I must leave it up to the person I’m talking to, to decide for themselves what they will do or believe. It takes discipline for me to shut my mouth, not be angry or frustrated, and go about my business, with no attitude.

That last bit is important. I can not allow myself to try to force someone to see things my way by my attitude because doing that would not be love, it would be more like manipulation. When I got married my concerns changed from being centered on me, to being centered on us and in order to have a thriving marriage, I need to focus on what is best for Mike and I, together and some times that is simply that I don’t say anything else on the current subject, which gives Mike a chance to think things through. (Mike tends to focus on something, so I think that he continues to think on the discussion we just had after we have stopped discussing it. By me being quiet on the topic, it enables him to think it through, and allows God to show him things.)

Men need respect. The Bible tells women to respect their husbands. Figuring out what that looks like can be a bit tricky but in this situation, I am showing Mike respect by shutting my mouth, dropping the discussion, and quietly praying that God would have His way in our lives, changing me where I need it and Mike where he needs it. {God tells men to love their wives and this can be as confusing for them as respect is for us.}

If you need help understanding what respect looks like to men, I recommend the book For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn. It is a really really good book that shares, among other things, what men want/need from their relationships and what respect looks like to them. This book was an eye-opener when I first read it a couple of years ago. I have asked Mike what respect looks like to him and he had a hard time describing it for me; thankfully this book cleared up the mystery.

Another important thing, is to be sure that I am listening to him, his thoughts, and his viewpoint. Truly listening! Listening to understand not listening to respond, but really listening.

Until next time, remember to do the hard thing, and God bless,

Michele ºÜº



4 thoughts on “Do the Hard Thing

    1. Thanks! ;) It is sometimes hard to find a picture that relates to the article/post I’m making. Since I was talking about not saying anything I remembered this picture from WAY BACK!

  1. bwaaaahaaaaahaaaa—-Luv the picture. That was so funny. what I want to know is —how do u convey to ur husband that u are not trying to be right but u do have an opinion and because I disagree doesn’t mean I am trying to convince him I am right. When he says something, I express my opinion, then when he comes back with something, I speak to that. He takes that as me trying to change his mind. —I say it is having conversation , but he ends up getting frustrated at me because I don’t think like him and he doesn’t think like me. hahahaha. I tell him we see things from two different prospectives. we then agree to disagree.

    1. Mike has explained to me that much of the time it is the tone of my voice that frustrates him. (This was confirmed in that book I mentioned in the post.) I have to watch how passionately I am conveying my opinion. At the point that I am repeating myself and/or feeling frustrated, it has ceased being a conversation and turned into me trying to get him to see the validity of my point. If both parties are still just conversing, then typically voices are not raised. Many times (maybe even most times) it comes to a point that I just need to be quiet. (It is frequently at this point that I end up praying.) Being quiet is not me changing my opinion, it is just me not longer trying to get my point across, change his mind, or “win” an argument and it is allowing God to deal with me and Him individually.

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