Of course, you want to marry someone you are in love with! But I am glad that I married my best friend. I remember one time, shortly after we had gotten married, that Mike and I got in a fight. (Isn’t it odd that I cannot remember what we fought over but I remember this?) My matron of honor and her family had moved several hours away by this point, so I had nowhere to go, no one to talk to.
I remember walking out of the house and just going for a walk down the street. At first I was mad . . . really mad. And then I began to cry. It turned into me crying, not about whatever the fight was about, but because I needed to talk to my best friend. The problem was that Mike was my best friend and I couldn’t talk to him because I was mad at him.
I don’t even think I got a block down the street before Mike came driving up in our car. He rolled the window down and kept pace with me. He kept trying to get me to get into the car. I finally stopped walking, looked at him and cried, “I need to talk to my best friend about what happened but I can’t because you’re my best friend! And I’m mad at you!!!”
I got in the car and we worked it out . . . whatever it was. The point is that it is really the best place to be; a place where you won’t talk bad about your spouse to anyone else, he’s your best friend, and you just work it out. (Please don’t think I’ve never talked bad about Mike to anyone; I wish I could honestly say that I haven’t but alas . . .)
I wish Mike and I had more hobbies and such in common because I think that friends that share like hobbies and such are even a better marriage match. The cool thing is that Mike and I are both hermits . . . we both just enjoy spending the evening together, doing nothing, just being together. It sometimes makes us odd ducks but we didn’t go out and do things and spend money much when we were dating and our lifestyle has been very similar for the past 28 years and I’m okay with that.
So my advice to those looking to get married: stop looking to fall in love, that will come (besides, love is ultimately a commitment rather than a feeling) and find someone that you enjoy being friends with. Someone you have things in common with and who ‘gets you’ is a really good candidate for a good marriage.
For those that are already married, build on your mutual interests, remember what you did together when you dated and, if appropriate, do them again. If you have no mutual interests, share your day with each other, take interest in what the other does, and find common ground. Pursue your spouse like you did to catch him in the first place, there’s no harm with a little flirting no matter how long you’ve been married or how old you are.
Dawn, over on incourage.me shared an article not too long ago entitled, How to Make a Marriage Flourish that has some good things to say about selflessness in marriage. I just thought I’d mention it.
Until next time, God bless,