Although confrontation is hard and if done improperly can be harmful, it is sometimes necessary! If you have a situation that is bothering you, the time to confront it is NOT when a situation arises because it is then that emotions are high and it can be handled improperly. BUT if you take the situation to the Lord in prayer and ask Him how and when to confront the situation, you can approach it more calmly and have a higher chance for success.
Now, some people, of which I am one, are very passionate and thus it doesn’t matter when I talk about a subject, I will eventually raise my voice. This doesn’t mean I’m mad or out of control because I raise my voice when I am happy and excited too. But the odds are high that I am not mad or angry, even if my voice is raised. This is important to know because there are other people like me. Try as I may, my voice will raise but if the subject is broached after prayer and when emotions are level, the anger won’t enter into the mix, as easily.
There are times that the best thing to do is to pray about a situation and work it out with God to get over it but then there are things that can only be cleared through confronting the situation head on. Confrontation is not bad, in and of itself. Confrontation is sometimes necessary to move forward. It is all about HOW and WHEN a situation is confronted.
It is not usually a good idea to confront a situation in the HEAT of the MOMENT. Tensions are too high and emotions are too hot to bring about much good. BUT if you can take some time to pray about the situation, you can either find that you are the one with the problem and you just need to act more maturely OR you can find a time to sit down with your sweetheart, bring up the situation, and see if you can’t come up with a solution together.
Avoid throwing blame and name-calling, as this will not help the situation. I have learned through the years that it is best to talk about how I feel in situations, e.g. “I feel like I haven’t done my job right if you do a load of laundry” instead of “Why couldn’t you just tell me you needed laundry done?” Not the best example but the first one explains my feelings without belittling him or making him feel that he is wrong whereas the second one, although not as good of an example, throws the blame at him, which will probably make him become defensive and probably cause a big argument because he didn’t want to bother me and it was no big deal to do it for himself. Sometimes this is hard to do, thus another reason not to broach the subject until it as been sufficiently covered in prayer, if at all possible.
I hope this rambling post can help you to see that sometimes a confrontation is necessary and that it doesn’t have to be a bad thing. And although you probably will not ever like confrontation, you will no longer try to avoid it at all costs because all that does is push a problem further and further down and will one day cause a huge explosion (confrontation).
Until next time, God bless,