Category Archives: Marriage Monday

Because your spouse matters

Fighting Fair: Really Listen

I was looking through my pinterest board for ideas for today’s blog post when I was reminded to truly listen when my hubby talks, especially when it is a topic where I have a very different opinion. Sometimes I am frustrated and begin coming up with my rebuttal, and sometimes even butt in, interrupting him as he is talking. :(

If I am not really listening to his words and following along with his train of thought, how can we communicate? The problem though is that as he talks a thought jumps into my mind, related to what he’s saying–usually in opposition to what he is saying :( — and it generally completely disappears if I don’t say something but that is not fair to him.

I guess what I need to do is to pray, as a general practice, that when I have a conversation with someone, but especially with my hubby, that God will bring all the words back to my mind that need to be said. :o

My natural instinct is to write it down so that I don’t forget it but that is not fair to him either because, again, I am not focusing on what he is saying but with my argument. If I am unable to recollect my thoughts, then either they may not need to be shared or maybe they are better left to another time.

Here is the post/article that got me thinking about this: 15 Rules for Fighting Fair in Marriage.

What are your thoughts? How do you handle tough conversations (fights)? I guess I have been more concerned with proving I’m right, than for us to come to an understanding. :( Ahhh, more to pray about. :D

I hope you have a good week.

Until next time, God bless,

Michele ºÜº

Better Conversations

If you house is anything like mine, you’re having quite a bit of togetherness right now. ;) It could be a good time to start a new habit.

Here’s an interesting idea for questions you can ask that are more meaningful than “How was your day?” I realize that you are probably pretty aware of what each other is doing, but if you get in the habit of asking one of these deeper questions each day, maybe at dinner each night.

The webpage even has a nice printable so you can have a handy reference or even put it on the refrigerator. You could put it in a page protector or laminate it and mark them off as you use them.

For a while when our kids were young, we asked what each person’s high and low were for the day. It was a good way to get everyone to talking and relating at the dinner table. :)

I hope you find this link helpful. I think it is; it’s nice to have help coming up with questions/conversation ideas.

Until next time, God bless,

Michele ºÜº

Advice for When there is More Togetherness than Usual

This week I thought I’d keep it simple. Hubby has been home for a couple weeks now. On a usual basis, Michael can be gone from home less hours than most husbands and we work well with that but I do NEED him to be gone for some time. Don’t get me wrong! I love my husband very  much and he loves me very much. We enjoy being home together and doing things together.

But . . . he can get a bit stir-crazy when he is home when he wouldn’t normally be home. And his antsyness can ruffle my feathers a bit. ;) So, in light of that I have to things I try to keep in mind.

I hope this encourages you today and blesses your marriage. :)

Until next time, God bless,

Michele ºÜº

Complaining is Dangerous

When things are a bit stressful, it is easy to have things that bother us and that can lead to complaining. According to a few websites, complaining rewires the brain towards more complaining and I doubt that is what you want . . . I know it isn’t what I want.

Here are some pages to read about this:

There is a book about this information called The Squeaky Wheel by Guy Winch.

There is something to be said for positive confession. If complaining rewires your brain towards more complaining, then surely thinking on positive things can rewire your brain towards more positive thinking.

Until next time, God bless,

Michele ºÜº

Love Nudge App

I think I’ve mentioned this app before, probably when I first discovered it. It’s been a blessing to us lately.

When we first found it, Michael and I both got it and took the love languages quiz. Then we set up some reminders. One of the reminders he set up for himself was to leave me a note once a week or so.

He’s been really creative with his notes. :) He’s left some on my table beside my chair in the living room. He’s left some on my computer or purse and even a couple on the bathroom mirror. :p These  notes always make me smile. And isn’t that the point? They are not big romantic notes, just simple “I love you” and such. :)

I encourage you to check out the Love Nudge app and get your loved one to do it too. :) You each take the love languages quiz and then you know what kinds of things your love appreciates. :)

Until next time, God bless,

Michele ºÜº

Life is Crazy Right Now

I have absolutely NEVER seen things as crazy as I have seen them this week! Our craziness started with picking up two Aussie pups in the middle of the week, shifting my errands around.

Well, actually, it started last week when Tiffany and I were running errands and the electronics totally malfunctioned on the car. Michael ended up getting it towed to the mechanic, who wasn’t able to get to it until mid-week. So we were down a vehicle.

Errands

Michael said he’d run errands with me on Friday since he wouldn’t have work that day. I’m not usually happy about running errands on a Friday because it is quite a bit more hectic than other days of the week and since I can go any day I want, I tend to steer clear of Fridays, generally speaking. ;)

We left the house around 9 or 9:30 and made it to our first stop around 10, I guess. It wasn’t horrible but there were a few more people in my way than usual. AND it was raining. :D I found some chicken thighs for 68¢/pound for Michael–he’ll need those on nights we have pork; in hindsight, I probably should have gotten two packages. ;)

Toilet paper was flying off the shelves. They had a big mound display of it in the back by the dairy department to compensate though. All they had were two different kinds of Cottonelle and Flora. We usually buy Charmin, so since this was our first stop and not where I usually purchase toilet paper, I decided to wait and get it at my usual place. As I was walking out, I overheard a woman say that Walmart was out of toilet paper. This did startle me a bit because that is the name of my usual source but there is a Walmart within a mile of this store and I was hoping she was referring to that store rather than mine.

Where’s the Toilet Paper?

As we continued our errands, Aldi’s shelf was bare of all toilet paper as was MY Walmart’s! Oh no! I became desperate because we were nearly out of toilet paper (I know I can cut up some of the old clothes I have around here and use them but was hoping things wouldn’t get that desperate ;) ). I checked next door at Dollar Tree and they too had an empty shelf where their toilet paper once lived.

Thankfully, I knew WinCo had some a short time before so we traipsed back up the four miles to that store. I went in and the mound display was seriously smaller than it had been a short time before (less than 2 hours). I stood there debating between the blue and the purple packages of Cottonelle, while Michael waited for me in the car out front. A nice lady said the purple were much better than the blue, so trusting her, I bought two of the purple packages :D and we were homeward bound.

Seriously, Even Vinegar?

I could not believe how hectic and crazy things were. I was stunned that dish soap and vinegar were in such high demand. Yes, even apple cider vinegar with the mother! I did get some but these are normal purchases for me, not some doomsday fear-of-quarantine stockpiling.

Be a Bit Kinder/More Thoughtful

I’m sure you’re wondering how I’m going to bring this back to marriage–in times crisis or overall craziness, it is important to be a bit kinder or more thoughtful. I try to do something a little bit special, like make cookies or his favorite dinner, just to make things a little bit more pleasant away from the crazy out there. I know it isn’t much but it is something. (And it made him smile. :) )

Until next time, God bless,

Michele ºÜº

PS. It was the alternator and it is now fixed; not cheaply but fixed. :)

Think On the Positive Things

Here is a challenge that I am doing this week and invite you to jump in too.

Lately it seems that I’m focusing more on the negative things. So to get my mind in the right place, I’m going to think of one positive (nice) thing about my honey and write it down. I think I will even try to write it out using the modern calligraphy I’ve been learning because you have to write slowly when you do calligraphy, which will help me focus on that good thing. :)

I hope you’ll try this challenge the next time you’re focusing a bit too much on the negative things.

Until next time, God bless,

Michele ºÜº

Don’t Let Opposition Rob Intimacy

When I was younger, if Michael and I had a disagreement in the evening close to bed time, I really struggled to get over it. And the thought of being intimate that night was no where in my thoughts at all. It wasn’t that I was holding a grudge but that I struggled with turning off that part of my emotions and turning on the part of me that relished in intimacy with him.

Over the years I have learned how to disconnect the frustration that I have had with him over whatever topic and put my mind in the right place to enjoy being close to my man.

Lately it seems that Michael and I have completely opposite ideas about a couple of perpetual situations in our lives right now. These are things that we cannot just simply make a decision and move on. One is something that is completely out of our control and our thoughts about the situation and what should be done (not by us). The other is a situation that is requiring a LOT of prayer to discern God’s plan over.

Thankfully I have learned to turn off the thoughts of those two subjects, put them in a box, and enjoy the love and relationship I have with my honey. If I operated the way I did in my younger years, being ruled by my current emotions, I would be robbing not only myself but my husband of the very thing that can further strengthen our relationship, in spite of the current situations.

It’s important to let the love we have had over the years rise to the surface and help us through these difficult situations.

I hope my rambling today encourages you to put away the frustrations of a disagreement and relish in the love you and your spouse have for one another.

Until next time, God bless,

Michele ºÜº

An Important Key to a Good Marriage and Family

It’s important to keep up your relationship with God. It helps you have a better relationship with others, including your spouse and children.

Now I know when you have children and especially if you are homeschooling, that it is difficult to find time to read the Bible. But it really doesn’t have to be much. It doesn’t take much to read a couple of verses every day.

Bible Verse a Day

Here are some ideas for you, in no particular order.

Copywork/Handwriting

I learned that handwriting has neurological benefits. Consequently I write scriptures every day. I use the monthly scriptures provided on Sweet Blessings. Shannon does a full 31 day writing plan on a theme each month. She provides it in a handy printable in both English and Spanish; she even leaves all the old ones available, so you can always pick a topic that is of interest to you.

Prayer

It’s easy to talk to God throughout the day. It doesn’t require any particular amount of time; it can be done while doing dishes, folding laundry, mopping the floor, or any other mundane task. God is our friend and always there just waiting for us to talk to Him. It’s easy to get caught up in the demands of the day but I try to remember to He is always here and always waiting to hear from me. :)

Gospels Reading Plan

Did you know that if you just read 3 chapters of the gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John) a day, you can read through all four gospels in a month? Now some of those chapters are a bit long, so if your really busy, it might not be doable. I like reading through the gospels because I get to go through the works of Jesus four times. :) It really helps remember it better when I read it several times in a month.

Better Relationships

Bottom line is that keeping in the Bible, the Word of God, and talking to Him throughout the day, helps make me a nicer, better person.

I hope this encourages you to make it a point to spend some time each day, no matter how little, with God each day.

Until next time, God bless,

Michele ºÜº

The Hard Line Between Being Supportive and Disrespectful

Michael and I are very different people! Our upbringing was also totally different. So we end up clashing on lots of things. I am generally a very passionate person–I have strong feelings about things and I look out for those I love. (And have always protected my children as best I can but not in the overprotective parent way.)

Michael grew up in a very different way with harsh realities. He protected himself from bullies and such and knows the importance of being able to handle adversity.

Sometimes things happen and I feel the need to point out the harshness of the situation. Unfortunately it seems as if I am trying to ‘correct’ my hubby, which isn’t a good idea. But I get myself in these sticky situations trying to help those I love and it can seem as if I’m not on Michael’s side, so to speak. But I feel I have to address the situation. Ugh! :p

My kids are all in their twenties, following God with all their hearts, and the youngest two live here. It’s not easy as the kids mature and begin being more independent and have different opinions than their dad or me.

I realize the biggest answer to my quandary is prayer. :)

Do you have situations that you feel bad that you take the stand you do but feel you don’t really have a different option?

I’ll run for now, God bless,

Michele ºÜº