Category Archives: Marriage Monday

Because your spouse matters

Is it Apparent that You are Happily Married?

What do you value ~ Lifeofjoy.meOne of the ministers at church yesterday reminded us that when you are in love, every thought and conversation always goes back to the one you love. For some time I’ve had a bit of a confusion with some of my online facebook friends. I hadn’t seen them or heard from them in over a dozen years, so it was nice to reconnect with them on facebook. But I had a bit of a difficulty, some of my friends who had been married when I went to church with them, never post about their husbands.

It usually takes a while before I realize that I hadn’t heard them mention their husbands. By . that time it seems more like prying, so I don’t mention it. But to ask someone else, seems like gossip, so I’m left with a quandry. In light of this situation, I make sure to mention Michael on occasion.

I wonder how I compare to younger me. Did I talk about and think about Michael much more when we first fell in love than I do today? I really hope the answer is no. I tend to be careful not to be boastful, so it can be hard to decide. I wonder if, when I do talk about him, I talk about him in a positive, negative, or neutral manner. I try to be respectful and honest in what I say, especially about our relationship.

I know you wouldn’t know it from my blog, but I’m kind of a private person, so I don’t post much on facebook. Here on my blog, I have daily topics that focus my conversation, so not even my blog is a good judge of this.

I guess I don’t really have much of a point today but to bring up the subject for thought. Would someone you haven’t been in contact with for a very long time, know that you are still in love with your hubby (without being gagged by syrupy posts to and about each other–because you can definitely take this to the opposite extreme) and happily married by what you talk about? Or do they know more about your children, work, or hobby than your spouse? Again, not that any of that is wrong to talk about, but if you share much more frequently and with more enthusiasm about other things than your spouse, maybe you are in need of giving your marriage some special loving care and attention. What better time of year than this wonderful season, to make your beloved know that they are very dear to you.

I hope  my rambling today gives you food for thought.

Until next time, God bless,

Michele ºÜº

Asking or Demanding

Ask or Demand ~ Lifeofjoy.meRiding to church yesterday, I took a moment and looked at my hubby as he was driving. I was just struck with how blessed I am. Moments before I had just told him that he needed to do something to fix my chair so that we don’t get pricked by a piece of metal on the bottom any more.

You see, I’ve gotten pricked by it twice in the last week on top of him getting pricked by it several times over the last month. He got “bit” by it before I did and I didn’t think much about it until I got hurt by it twice in one week. Then I nearly demanded that he fix it. 😯

As soon as I said, you need to fix my chair, I realized what I had said and said, No, that’s not right. Honey, could you fix my chair soon so that it stops ‘biting’ people? Stated that way, it was much better received than how I had brought it up.

You see, the first time was demanding but the second time I asked for his help. He agreed to help me out much more happily when asked. It makes me take a look at myself and how I talk to him and others, in a different light. I aim to be nicer and less demanding. :)

Until next time, God bless,

Michele ºÜº

Preparing to Bless My Honey

12 Days of Christmas ~ Lifeofjoy.meThere’s a blogger whose husband’s birthday is something like December 14th. So she decided to bless her hubby with twelve days of Christmas beginning on his birthday and going to Christmas. This works really well for her situation and I totally understand why she does this.

However, my hubby’s birthday is in October. Also the Twelve Days of Christmas refers to the twelve days from Christmas to January 6th, which is Epiphany when the Magi finding baby Jesus is celebrated. Because of this and the fact that the days leading to Christmas are so busy, I choose bless my man for those twelve days.

Now I don’t do this every year, so don’t go thinking I’m some kind of wonder woman or something. And this year, I’m thinking of suggesting that the hubs and I take turns, so it would be every other day. Of course, I could just do a combination of all the one’s I’ve found and really mix up what I do for him.

So during these twelve days, which would only be six days if we rotate, I do something nice, special, or “spicy”, if  you get my drift, with or for him. From previous years, I have found that he prefers a foot massage over any other massage, so I’ll be sure to include one of those. Some new intimate apparel is another great idea for a day. His favorite dessert and me taking out the trash for him one day are two more I can think of right now.

There are several twelve days of Christmas lists that can give you some ideas. I went to find a couple and was literally looking for a half hour and finally just had to call it quits. There are so many ideas floating around that you can surely find something that appeals to you.

I hope you’ll take some time and plan a little something special for your love for this wonderful holiday season.

Until next time, God bless,

 Michele ºÜº

Spock and Kirk

Agree to Disagree ~ Lifeofjoy.meI have learned over the last several years (okay, probably more than that but I digress) the Michael doesn’t need to have things make sense. I, on the other hand, definitely do. If I cannot make sense out of something, I have a hard time going with it.

Michael and I have had discussions where he was going to do something a certain way and it didn’t make any sense to me. It seemed that his way was not the “best” way to do it, in my opinion. So I would ask him to please explain to me why he was doing it that way (or going to do it that way). Some times he would just say some thing like, I don’t know, I just am. Well that wasn’t good enough for me.

So then I’d explain why I thought a different way was better but he would still continue to go about it his way. This was bothersome to me. It seemed like he didn’t value my opinion but that wasn’t the case at all. It really didn’t matter how he did whatever it was, so it was really no slight to me.

At some point we watched a Star Trek movie; I don’t remember which one. But at some point I believe that Spock told Kirk that what he was doing was illogical. I could really relate with this. Kirk just did it his way even after Spock’s comments.

I have taken this and helped myself curb frustration with Michael and how he does things by realizing that I am being like Spock and he is being like Kirk. Sometimes I even say, “That is illogical.” He’s gotten used to me quoting from movies, so this does not bother him. And it has the benefit to him of shutting me up. :D

Some times I will just say something like, Kirk and Spock. And other times I will just think it in my head. But the end result is still the same, I drop it and it ceases to bother me. ;)

I was shopping with my baby sister last week and she was telling me about a situation where she didn’t understand why her hubby was doing something the way he was and it frustrated her. I told her about this and said I think it must be a man-thing. But that thinking about it as Spock and Kirk helped me and she seemed to like it. So I thought I’d share it with you, in hopes that you can sometimes just drop a subject and not cause undue stress on yourself and/or your marriage.

Until next time, God bless,

Michele ºÜº

Commitment

Commitment ~ Lifeofjoy.meWhen you got married, that became God’s will for your life, whether it was His will before you got married or not. It is not His will that you and your husband part ways. Now, there are some extreme circumstances where it would be His will, abuse is one of them but I am not talking about that today.

Now that we’ve discussed that your marriage is now God’s will for your life, let’s talk about how to make the best of it. It is not easy to meld two people into one life but with God all things are possible. The biggest thing, in my opinion, is to be committed to your spouse. Just simply having your mind made up that you have made this commitment and you are going to see it through helps remove some of the struggle. If you are no longer deciding if you should get out, that doesn’t weigh on your mind any longer; it’s no longer something you even need to think about.

The next thing for women is to respect their husband. It does not say anything about the husband earning your respect. I know there are situations where this is very difficult but it is a biblical directive. Men need respect and they especially need it from their wives. Be a woman that build her husband up and does not tear him down. It is not your job to teach him, mother him, or show him how he is wrong; I think that is disrespect to a man.

If you see areas where your hubby needs to grow, pray about it asking God to deal with the situation and then be attentive to what God directs you to do or not do, as the case may be. It is not my job to nag Michael about areas that I think he needs to change. It is my job to respect him.

Now the man is to love his wife. Yep, I have found that this can be just as foreign to men as respect is to women. At least they have an example in Jesus and how he loves us. Love is easy for us women but the Bible does not tell use to love our husbands.

There is much written on love, respect, and the duties of husband and wife and I am not really doing that justice. My point today is that once you got married, the one you are married to is God’s will for your life. As I do little things for Michael he notices and it blesses him. The same is true of him and what he does.

I guess my bottom line today is be a blessing to your spouse, all the time. Pray for him. Respect him. And watch as he loves you more and more.

Until next time, God bless,

 Michele ºÜº

Holiday Prep and Planning

Holiday Planning ~ Lifeofjoy.meWell, it is that time again. I simply love this season. The next two months are my favorite. I love the whole thing!

Now is the time to talk with your hubby about what you want to do for the holidays. Decide together what is important. I have grown children living at home, so we will also discuss this with them.

Things are changing in my extended family as well as my nuclear family. My oldest son Brian, my daughter-in-love Lauren, and precious grandson Liam now live two hours away and Lauren is working weekends. Things are definitely going to be different this year.

My mother had a difficult time last year with her health/knees and said she cannot host this year. So, we will be moving our gathering to my sister and brother-in-law’s home. Then with us being on Trim Healthy Mama, there is the whole question about food and how that will need to change (not necessarily to change the foods but decrease the amounts of foods).

Life changes. Some for the better and some for the worse but all it takes is the right attitude towards the changes and it’s all good. ;)

I have expressed my desire to go view some lights this year. The kids have shared their desire to go see the new Star Wars movie. Michael said he wants peace and good food, which includes some of our usual sweets, converted to THM-style of eating.

It is important to talk through each person’s schedule and what activities we each want or need to do. But don’t limit it to activities/obligations, include things you’d like to do like make cookies, create Jesse Tree ornaments or some other kind of ornaments, games to play, books to read, advent activities, and so on.

I’m so happy that our church has, once again, decided to do a Holiday Bash, where we will celebrate Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s Eve, this Friday evening. I love that we are doing it a couple weeks before the snowball starts to roll and also that the church will not be vying for a date in December. To me, it is so fun to celebrate with my church family, all in one evening!

Well, I have a lot to do this week. So I’m going to run. I hope you will sit down and write down the things that you do, things that are important to you, and anything new you’d like to try. Write it all down and then talk to your hubby and family about it.

Until next time, God bless,

Michele ºÜº

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What To Do When You are NOT Interested in Intimacy

When you don't want to ~ Lifeofjoy.meIf your hubby is wanting to be intimate with you and you are not interested, you need to stop and pray/ask God to help you determine the reason(s) for your lack of interest.

If your problem is that you are too tired, find a way to take a power nap (you know one of those 15-20 minute naps/periods of rest; it is amazing how just resting with your eyes closed for 15-20 minutes will refresh you), so that you aren’t too tired for intimacy.

But if your problem is that you are just not interested or it doesn’t matter to you one way or the other, then I suggest that you, first and foremost, ask God to help you be interested. He cares about your marriage, and is the creator of sex in marriage, so He wants you to participate in it and enjoy it. Then go visit some Christian marriage blogs.

Christian marriage blogs will help you in soooo many ways! They will help you get your priorities straight, give you ideas for date nights (including stay at home ideas), and even some ideas on how to love on your spouse. If you go to no other blog, go to The Generous Wife because not only does Lori share things to help you herself, but she also shares two links most every day of the week, and you will be introduced to some other wonderful Christian marriage blogs as well.

The other thing I recommend is to actually just do it. Be intimate with your hubby. Intimacy breeds more intimacy.  Intimacy draws you closer to your hubby. Before long, you may find yourselves being more affectionate to one another and helping/serving each other more. There’s another reason to just do it though. The Bible directs you to do so. When you are married, our body is not your own (neither is your spouse’s his own) and we are not to withhold our body from our spouse.

If you do not enjoy intimacy with your spouse, research why and talk to your love about it. Odds are he will be very willing to help you find enjoyment. ;)

Until next time, God bless,

Michele ºÜº

Even When I Don’t Feel Like It

Even When I Don't Feel Like It ~ Lifeofjoy.meI was in a facebook group recently where some ladies around my age were asking for prayer for their situation. Well, one lady posted with the request but there were others that commented with basically a “me too.” The situation is one where the husband is desiring intimacy but the wife is not interested. I got the impression that it wasn’t always the way things were for her/them.

I have to tell you, this really hurt me. I hurt for the husbands of these precious women, who were seriously asking for prayer. They were getting so many comments that I didn’t think my comment was needed but it has been on my mind. What I would want to convey, with the utmost love, is “fake it until you make it.”

I have learned that if my husband asks me if I want to be intimate that the answer is yes, whether I want to or not. Even if I don’t feel like it, if I engage in the moment and put forth some effort, it is an enjoyable time and my marriage is nurtured.

So my suggestion to these precious women would be, love on your hubby! Your marriage, your husband, and you are worth the effort. Don’t wait to feel like it.

Oh! If your hubby flirts with you and/or makes comments about wanting to be intimate later, flirt back, tell him yes. Then when you go to bed, if he doesn’t bring it up, initiate it yourself. He will be happy that you remembered. ;)

Seriously, if you make the effort and get your head in the game, you will have bettered your marriage!

I hope this encourages you today.

Until next time, God bless,

Michele ºÜº

Celebrating Him

This week is my beloved’s birthday! The big cutie is the birthday boy. :)

I am such a blessed woman. When we got married, he drove me to work and then went on to wherever the job site was with the painting company for whom he worked. He would then be back to pick me up when I got off work and we’d ride the thirty minutes home together.

When I got pregnant we’d decided that I was going to stay home with our children.  And his boss decided that he needed to cease his painting business and accepted a different job. He gave Michael all of the work leads that he had. And thus Michael started his own painting company. It was a bit of a scary time, being pregnant and knowing that I was going to quit my job after the baby was born, and Michael starting his own painting business.

Easter2 ~ Lfieofjoy.me

We decided early in our marriage that we were not going to always be striving for bigger and better things; we would be content in whatever state we found ourselves. We valued our time together and wanted Michael to be completely involved in the lives of our children.

Grandson Love ~ Lifeofjoy.meI’m very blessed to have a man that seeks after and serves God with his whole heart.

He’s lost a bit of weight and is looking really good. Of course that means he is in need of some new clothes. :D

Celebrate Him ~ Lifeofjoy.me To say he is swimming in these clothes is an understatement. Without the belt, the pants would fall right off. :D He has dug deep into his trunk and found a couple of things that fit a lot better than what he has been wearing. ;) I got him a few.

Michael ~ Lifeofjoy.me

I love this man incredibly and am so thankful that we get to do life together. I hope his birthday is wonderful. I’m making a Trim Healthy Mama carrot cake for him. I hope it is good and that he enjoys it.

I hope you’ll celebrate your man on his day. :)

Until next time, God bless,

Michele ºÜº

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Don’t Take Offense

Before Pic ~ Lifeofjoy.me
Me in the black shirt and blue shorts-2011

Okay, I know that there are women out there that are a little overweight or fat in their own mind and their husbands are all like, I love you the way you are . . . you’re beautiful, and they don’t believe them. For those women I have to say, believe your husband!!! There are a multitude of blog posts on the internet telling you that I am right when I say that.

I need to let you know that I am truly so overweight that it is not pretty. Don’t get me wrong, I can still cover up and make myself presentable and pretty for my man (and I should do that) but I should never delude myself into thinking that he thinks all this blubber is beautiful or enticing. I have to lose weight!!! And praise God I am losing weight. But it is not my husband’s fault that he is a visual creature; that is how God made men. It is also not his fault that I allowed myself to gain so much weight.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been on diets for our entire marriage. He has paid a lot of money for me to try to lose weight. Sometimes it worked but most of the time it didn’t. Praise God, this time seems to be different (but check back in a year and we’ll see if it really is different or not ;) ) The whole family has changed their dietary lifestyle several times because I’m the cook in the house and not going to make several different meals, parts of meals yes, entire meals no.

Michael would never say anything derogatory about me or my weight on purpose. If anything is said, it is something that slipped out and I took it differently than he intended. But to say that if he loved me he’d never let something like that slip is accusatory and disrespectful to him. My sweet husband has kept his mouth shut on the subject of my weight but I know how he feels. We’ve been married for 30 years, so you can trust me when I say I know how he feels about it. However, that does not keep us from loving on each other. We still flirt and touch each other; we have a healthy marriage.

I have to stand up for any of those husbands out there that would never intentionally hurt their wives but might have let something pass through their lips that clued the wife in to what he thought or felt about her weight. Don’t let yourself be torn down by it. Know that he did not mean to hurt you and that the devil wants you to be offended so he can tear you two apart. Don’t let him do that. Just get determined to find something that will work for you.

I recommend Trim Healthy Mama because it is such a balanced approach to food. I get to eat sprouted white whole wheat bread and bacon, although not at the same time. ;) I get to eat yummy peanut butter muffins with a chocolate syrup drizzled on them, albeit sugar-free but definitely not sweetener free. :) But I’m also encouraged to eat big healthy salads full of veggies, which can be eaten with lovely healthy fats and meats or low in fat with fruit and lean meats. It is such a well balance approach to eating and I’m blessed to have found it.

I hope, that if you are one of those women, who have found out that your husband is turned off by your weight, that you will not hold it against him but prayerfully consider how you can show him how much you love and respect him by getting yourself healthy. Yes, do it for yourself but doing it for him isn’t necessarily a bad thing either. It probably shouldn’t be the only reason though. ;)

Until next time, God bless,

Michele ºÜº

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