Category Archives: Marriage Monday

Because your spouse matters

Celebrating Him

This week is my beloved’s birthday! The big cutie is the birthday boy. :)

I am such a blessed woman. When we got married, he drove me to work and then went on to wherever the job site was with the painting company for whom he worked. He would then be back to pick me up when I got off work and we’d ride the thirty minutes home together.

When I got pregnant we’d decided that I was going to stay home with our children.  And his boss decided that he needed to cease his painting business and accepted a different job. He gave Michael all of the work leads that he had. And thus Michael started his own painting company. It was a bit of a scary time, being pregnant and knowing that I was going to quit my job after the baby was born, and Michael starting his own painting business.

Easter2 ~ Lfieofjoy.me

We decided early in our marriage that we were not going to always be striving for bigger and better things; we would be content in whatever state we found ourselves. We valued our time together and wanted Michael to be completely involved in the lives of our children.

Grandson Love ~ Lifeofjoy.meI’m very blessed to have a man that seeks after and serves God with his whole heart.

He’s lost a bit of weight and is looking really good. Of course that means he is in need of some new clothes. :D

Celebrate Him ~ Lifeofjoy.me To say he is swimming in these clothes is an understatement. Without the belt, the pants would fall right off. :D He has dug deep into his trunk and found a couple of things that fit a lot better than what he has been wearing. ;) I got him a few.

Michael ~ Lifeofjoy.me

I love this man incredibly and am so thankful that we get to do life together. I hope his birthday is wonderful. I’m making a Trim Healthy Mama carrot cake for him. I hope it is good and that he enjoys it.

I hope you’ll celebrate your man on his day. :)

Until next time, God bless,

Michele ºÜº

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Don’t Take Offense

Before Pic ~ Lifeofjoy.me
Me in the black shirt and blue shorts-2011

Okay, I know that there are women out there that are a little overweight or fat in their own mind and their husbands are all like, I love you the way you are . . . you’re beautiful, and they don’t believe them. For those women I have to say, believe your husband!!! There are a multitude of blog posts on the internet telling you that I am right when I say that.

I need to let you know that I am truly so overweight that it is not pretty. Don’t get me wrong, I can still cover up and make myself presentable and pretty for my man (and I should do that) but I should never delude myself into thinking that he thinks all this blubber is beautiful or enticing. I have to lose weight!!! And praise God I am losing weight. But it is not my husband’s fault that he is a visual creature; that is how God made men. It is also not his fault that I allowed myself to gain so much weight.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been on diets for our entire marriage. He has paid a lot of money for me to try to lose weight. Sometimes it worked but most of the time it didn’t. Praise God, this time seems to be different (but check back in a year and we’ll see if it really is different or not ;) ) The whole family has changed their dietary lifestyle several times because I’m the cook in the house and not going to make several different meals, parts of meals yes, entire meals no.

Michael would never say anything derogatory about me or my weight on purpose. If anything is said, it is something that slipped out and I took it differently than he intended. But to say that if he loved me he’d never let something like that slip is accusatory and disrespectful to him. My sweet husband has kept his mouth shut on the subject of my weight but I know how he feels. We’ve been married for 30 years, so you can trust me when I say I know how he feels about it. However, that does not keep us from loving on each other. We still flirt and touch each other; we have a healthy marriage.

I have to stand up for any of those husbands out there that would never intentionally hurt their wives but might have let something pass through their lips that clued the wife in to what he thought or felt about her weight. Don’t let yourself be torn down by it. Know that he did not mean to hurt you and that the devil wants you to be offended so he can tear you two apart. Don’t let him do that. Just get determined to find something that will work for you.

I recommend Trim Healthy Mama because it is such a balanced approach to food. I get to eat sprouted white whole wheat bread and bacon, although not at the same time. ;) I get to eat yummy peanut butter muffins with a chocolate syrup drizzled on them, albeit sugar-free but definitely not sweetener free. :) But I’m also encouraged to eat big healthy salads full of veggies, which can be eaten with lovely healthy fats and meats or low in fat with fruit and lean meats. It is such a well balance approach to eating and I’m blessed to have found it.

I hope, that if you are one of those women, who have found out that your husband is turned off by your weight, that you will not hold it against him but prayerfully consider how you can show him how much you love and respect him by getting yourself healthy. Yes, do it for yourself but doing it for him isn’t necessarily a bad thing either. It probably shouldn’t be the only reason though. ;)

Until next time, God bless,

Michele ºÜº

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Do What Needs To Be Done

Do What Needs Doing ~ Lifeofjoy.meMarriage is not about keeping track of who does what or when. It is so tempting to keep track of the things I do in an effort to say, Hey, I’m contributing a lot here. But really it is because I have a deep root of laziness that I have to constantly work to overcome.

Procrastination is a part of this same ugly ‘plant’ in my life. I procrastinate on doing things until it gets to be late in the day and then I cannot go to bed when Michael does. Although, I must admit that sometimes I’m not tired enough to go to bed when he is ready . . . partly due to the fact that he tends towards getting up way too early, not by choice but circumstance. But that aside, even if my procrastination doesn’t keep me up late, it keeps me unavailable in the evenings and that is not good. I should get my own ‘stuff’ done during the day so that I am available for the family in the evenings.

Yesterday Tiffany was ill. Since the conference started and I needed to be at the church to get things prepped for breakfast today, I had to go. Sean had to go as well because he was doing the projection of the music words. Tiffany tried to go but alas, she just needed to stay home; so Michael stayed home with her. He rose to the challenge of being a nurse, which is not easy. ;)

My morning was busy helping Tiffany decide if she was staying home or going and I ended up. I had groceries to take to church. And I had to do my hair myself. You see Tiffany has been doing my hair for the last several weeks as we work on a new hairstyle. I cannot do it the same way she does because she uses a curling wand; my hair is too short for me to attempt learn to use the wand in a hurry. So Michael did what needed to be done and got my stuff together for me. Had he not done it, I wouldn’t have made it to church on time.

Marriage isn’t about who does what. Marriage is about doing life together each supporting the other and getting the jobs done. And of course, I’m referring to normal marriages, not ones with abnormal struggles (ones with abuse or other such circumstances).

I hope this reminder is helpful to you. It was a good reminder to me yesterday as I watched my honey do what needed to be done.

Until next time, God bless,

 

Think It Through

Think ~ Lifeofjoy.meI asked Michael if he had any marriage advice I could share today. We kid with him that his answer is always “no.” In an effort to understand why, he finally was able to figure that it must be because he never had anyone tell him no. He was always did whatever he wanted, which was not a good thing. (He did not grow up in a ‘Christian’ home.) So he surmises that he views saying no as caring for and protecting those he loves. Trust me when I say, it does not feel that way. I did not grow up the same way he did.

His advice: think about things three and four times before making a commitment. And of course, pray about it.

It is so easy to just go with your ‘gut feeling’ but that isn’t always the right thing to do. If you have trouble hearing God answer your questions, ask Him to confirm it through others. Then keep a watchful eye for your answer and accept it, even if it isn’t the answer you wanted.

I guess I’m keeping it short and sweet today.

Until next time, God bless,

Michele ºÜº

 

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Ask First and Save Yourself Trouble

Ask First ~ Lifeofjoy.meYou know the saying, “It’s easier to ask forgiveness than to ask permission”? Well, that is not the way you should handle things in your marriage. Yeah, I’m telling you from experience here. Oh, I wish it were an experience that I am pulling up from my distant past but unfortunately this one just happened this past week. :(

At least I learned a very valuable lesson: it is disrespectful to not ask his permission, especially if it is something that will affect him in any way.

I had to do some fancy apologizing for my overstepping. Even a day later, I was still dealing with the aftermath of my decision. We now have a clean slate and are moving forward. What I should have done was to sit down and talk to him about what I wanted to do and why, and then pray God deal with his heart.

So let that be one of those hard knocks you don’t have to get on your own. Learn from my mistake and be blessed. :)

Until next time, God bless,

 Michele ºÜº

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Change and Growth

Change and Grow ~ Lifeofjoy.meEven when I think I’ve finally gotten it together, I realize that I can still grow and better myself.

Yes, I know, that’s pretty vague. Let me explain a bit.

I was pretty frustrated with Michael about somethings. I don’t remember what they are. I remember thinking that God needed to change Michael and convict him of how he was treating me.  And then I remember God convicting me. I then immediately felt that I also needed to change . . . I needed to act differently. That is NOT what I wanted to hear. I wanted justification but God wasn’t letting me off the hook. ;)

Was God telling me that Michael was right?  NO!  What he was telling me was that I had some changing of my own to do.

Did I want to hear that? Nope! But I took it and I apologized and tried to behave better.

So I encourage you today, that the next time you are in a situation where you are frustrated with someone, ask God to help you rise to the occasion and grow from it. It will not be easy but it will be worthwhile for you.

Until next time, God bless,

 

Hermits Staycation

Hermit Staycation ~ Lifeofjoy.me
Tiffany and Sean goofing around.

It’s Labor Day Weekend! Happy Labor Day to all those hard workers in America. We decided to take a few days off and do nothing. We thought about going somewhere for the weekend but decided that as hermits, we like just being at home. So, we decided to save ourselves some money and sequester ourselves. ;)

I’ve tried to shower Michael with sweets and stuff he likes, giving him time to do things he enjoys doing. We’re watching videos, reading books, playing games, and enjoying being together. :) We are content and don’t need other places to make us happy. We enjoy being hermits. :D

It doesn’t take a lot to have a time of refreshing. Of course, if you do it at home, all of a sudden those back-burner projects start screaming and you are tempted to work on them but don’t. It’s good to have ‘rules’ in place, so that you don’t end up working when you are supposed to be relaxing. ;)

Some of our rules are that no one cooks or cleans alone. Don’t do ‘work’ or the things we usually do. This is a time to ‘get away from it all’. We all help each other so it isn’t a burden on anyone. I told Tiffany today that I think ‘housekeeping’ needed to change the sheets on my bed. She looked at me and said, I’m not housekeeping! :D I really meant I should do it but I think I’ll end up waiting until Tuesday when we are all ‘back to work’.

That’s our budget-friendly staycation. Hope you have a great holiday weekend.

Until next time, God bless,

Michele ºÜº

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How Selfish am I?

Selfish ~ Lifeofjoy.meMarriage is a good test of selfishness. Yep, selfishness can show its ugly head between husband and wife. And unfortunately, I am talking from personal experience.

You see, much of the time, disagreements come from thinking the other party should do more or not expect as much as they do. But what that really boils down to is selfishness. Yep. Plain and simple selfishness.

Occasionally I have to just ask myself if I serve my family without feeling like a martyr, wishing others would help me or not. Not that it is a bad thing to desire others to help but it is important to really discern your motivation. It is important for all family members that are old enough to participate in the caring for the home though.

So I guess I challenge you today to check yourself and see if you have any selfishness in operation in your life. I know I’ve found some in mine and I’m working to remove more and more of it from my life.

Until next time, God bless,

Michele ºÜº

Why Not Get Married?

Why Not Get Married ~ Lifeofjoy.meI’ve heard some young people (and some not so young people) say they don’t need a piece of paper; they know they love each other, as an excuse not to get married. But if it is really only a piece of paper, then what harm is there in getting it? I mean, as excuses go, that one is pretty weak.

From my experience, a woman wants the security of knowing that you are committed to her and if you’ve taken your relationship to the level of getting that piece of paper, she knows you’re serious. This is one reason why a woman should refrain from intimacy before marriage. Men (yes, I know we woman do too) want the act of marriage. If you give him what he wants without the security of knowing he is committed to only you, you have lost a huge motivator. Whereas, if he can not have intimacy with you until after committing to spending the rest of his life with you, there is a  stronger chance he will commit than if he is getting everything he wants.

If a woman doesn’t want to get married, you must ask yourself why she doesn’t. Where is her commitment? If you are providing for her needs without her being committed to you and only you, then you are cheating yourself.

God created sex as a wonderful thing between a husband and a wife. It bonds people together. If you go sleeping around being intimate with others, you are cheapening/weakening that bond for when you do get married.

Man, if you love the gal you are with, and are committing to her anyway, why not prove that commitment to her by getting that piece of paper. It really is an expression of love. When you refuse to marry her, you are sending her the signal that if it gets bad enough, I’ll just leave. It doesn’t matter if you don’t think you’d ever do that, you’re still sending that signal. And if you have asked her to marry you and she won’t, then you need to separate now, because she is not committed to you and she’s telling you in a subtle way, that she is only with you until something better comes along. And for that matter, that is the same signal a guy gives a girl when he lives with her but will not marry her. Nobody wants to feel like they are second best.

I hope that someone comes across this post that needs to hear/read these words. Know that although marriage is hard, if you are living with and having intimacy with another, you are already experiencing the hardness of marriage. It is my opinion that having that piece of paper give both parties a security that the other is going to stick around and that the other loves them enough to commit to them. Believe it or not, that adds a lot of buffering to a living situation, thus making it easier.

Now for those that are getting older and still single and not being intimate, ask yourself why. Sharing your life with another is one of the best things you can do. Are you warding off marriage because of selfishness? I encourage you to pray about your situation and see what God would have you do. Marriage is a beautiful thing. Yes, it takes some work but it is worth the effort.

Until next time, God bless,

Michele ºÜº

It is Really a Question of Respect

It's About Respect ~ Lifeofjoy.meI don’t know about you but I struggle to keep calm when my husband is upset about something. I can usually handle it when it is a minor frustration but when it is a biggie, I handle it less well.

Michael is usually pretty easy going. His first answer for most questions is ‘no.’ Sometimes he makes his opinion so well known on a particular subject that sometimes I don’t even want to ask his opinion when the subject arises because, I already know what he will say, if I do ask him.

Recently a situation arose of a very minor nature. He got upset with me for not asking his opinion. He stayed upset for quite some time. I attempted to fix the situation but it was not working. Neither of us wanted to budge. I told him that I did not feel ‘cherished’. And then God showed me that I had disrespected him.

I felt slapped in the face. And then I was reminded of a line from National Treasure 2,

“Just because you may know what my answer is going to be doesn’t mean you don’t have to ask me.”

Well, I realized I had some changing to do. The problem is that I avoid asking his opinion on some subjects because I know what he will say and I don’t want to argue. But I guess God was telling me that I was wrong and I have to change. I am to give my husband respect . . . period.

In Genesis God put the man over the woman because she was deceived. It is a protection for the woman, not a sign of inferiority. To circumvent this protection, is disrespect. I must learn to ask and discuss without becoming frustrated.

So once again, in a situation where I felt I was in the right, God showed me that I was not. :\ But that is okay because I am continuing to learn and grow and become more like God would have me be. And don’t worry, there is no chance that I will become a doormat, I’m too . . . independent . . . strong-willed . . . stubborn . . . oh, I don’t know, but I think you get the point. ;)

I hope you can learn from my experience. Hey, I hope I can learn from my experience! :D

Until next time, God bless,

Michele ºÜº