Category Archives: Marriage Monday

Because your spouse matters

How to Handle Anger

Michael watched a video recently that talked about how to handle anger. It suggests that to stop the anger you need to disconnect from the emotions.

Michael said his take away was that when you start to get angry or the person you are talking with gets angry, stop and ask why they are angry. By thinking about the cause or reason for the anger, it causes a disconnect and alleviates the anger build up.

I recommend checking out the video. It is rather lengthy but I’d bet there is a lot more in it than the one nugget Michael shared with me. ;) But if nothing else, applying this one bit can be helpful in relationships/marriage.

Until next time, God bless,

Michele ºÜº

Improving Your Marriage

I read this article about a marriage that was struggling. She said that although her husband did have some things he needed to change, she was operating in bitterness. So she made some changes and started cultivating patience, kindness, hope, and love.

Her article is a very good one. I encourage you to click over and read her story. It is quite encouraging and hopeful.

I hope her story will encourage you to cultivate patience, kindness, hope, and love in your marriage. I know it has me.

Until next time, God bless,

Michele ºÜº

Really Listen When Others are Speaking

Today’s friendly reminder is to listen to your spouse.

It is so easy to let my mind wander or try to figure out what I’m going to say and not completely listening any longer. But that isn’t fair to my hubby.

It’s hard to just listen because I’m a fixer. Well, I like to help and offer suggestions. But the truth of the matter is that sometimes people just need to talk. They don’t want you to give them an answer or solution to their situation, unless of course they ask you.

This is even harder when what is being said is opposed to what you want or believe. But it is only fair to really listen and then pause and formulate a response, calmly.

I hope this encourages you to really listen to your spouse. Practice giving him your undivided attention. ;) I know I’m going to work on it this week.

Until next time, God bless,

Michele ºÜº

Three Vital Things in Marriage

Marriages can drift apart but people can also lose themselves in their marriage, especially ones they have children.

It is vital that you do something each day you like. It is also vital that you do something each day to continue to build up your relationship with your spouse. And most important of all, do something each day to build your relationship with God.

Three Vital Things

  • Build your relationship with God

Read a scripture, pray, sing to God, worship Him. There are a lot of ways to build your relationship with God and each one can make that relationship stronger.

It doesn’t have to take a lot of time. You can talk to God as you straighten up the house, wash dishes, or fold laundry. You can sing or worship while taking a shower. Or you can even take a bit of time (even just a few minutes) in the morning or evening.

Michael has gotten up early to pray and read the Bible since the children were very little. He set a good example of putting God first in his day. It made an impression on the kids.

I had a part of our school day that was devotion time, so they learned to put God in their day and also so that I could get a little bit too. ;)

  • Do something you like

Read, do art, color, do handwork/needlecraft, other crafting, play games, play an instrument, et cetera.

There are so many options here but the important thing is not to lose who you are and what you enjoy doing in the mundane and necessary tasks of the day. Social media is okay but don’t skip out on doing activities of some kind.

Remember to be a good example. Kids tend to do what they see you do, so be sure to remember this when you choose your activities. ;)

It is also good to make yourself do something you know you enjoy doing, even if you have to make yourself do it. I like art but I have to make myself do art. I guess it requires a bit more from me and the outcome is not guaranteed, so I have to push myself a bit to draw or whatever. Playing games and reading are easier but I don’t get the same benefit from those activities as I do from drawing/creating something.

  • Build your relationship with your spouse

This too can be done easily. :) Scratch his back, bring him a snack, listen to him when he talks, ask him a question (just search online for questions for spouses, and you’ll get lots), or do something with him.

It doesn’t take something grandiose each day to build a relationship. It just takes a little effort. What drew you and your spouse together in the first place? There had to be something you liked to do together, even if it was simply spending time together. Do some of those things again, if possible.

I hope this post encourages you to make time for God, yourself, and your spouse, in some little way, each day.

Until next time, God bless,

Michele ºÜº

Marriage Takes Work

Sometimes people are so used to the way they do things that they don’t realize that they haven’t really done anything to promote a healthy marriage. It’s very much like taking the marriage and the spouse for granted, which is never good!

The first and most important thing is to realize that marriage takes work. If you aren’t working on bettering your marriage, you are probably going down the road of taking it and your spouse for granted.

I have a few questions for you:

  • Do you like it when you are taken for granted?
  • Are you doing anything extra–out of the ordinary–with or for your spouse?

I encourage you to do something extra for your spouse today or at least this week. It is amazing how an extra caring touch or an act of kindness will make you feel more loved and appreciated, valued even.

Then if you are brave enough, use the Love Nudge app and ask your spouse how loved they feel. :)

Until next time, God bless,

Michele ºÜº

Growing Closer or Apart?

Are you and your husband growing closer together or further apart? It is easy to get caught up in your individual areas of interest but it is important to stay connected to your spouse. Try to include them in some way.

Are you a crafter or artist? Show your spouse your work. Talk to them about your materials or what you like about it. Try to draw him into some aspect of your interests.

Are you a reader? Share interesting bits with your spouse. I like to read a funny comment one of the characters make in my reading out loud, to include Michael.

Are you into gardening or nature? Sports, bicycling, or walking? Find some way to include your spouse. Take some time to invite them to participate with you and adjust your speed to theirs. But don’t badger them into joining you, that is not conducive to closeness and will probably do the opposite and push him away.

You could go on a stroll together, just for the opportunity to connect with one another. This stroll is not about exercise or getting somewhere, it is simply about connecting together.

Take a few minutes out of your day to share something about your day, even if it is just ordinary. Share a high and a low. It doesn’t matter what you are sharing as long as you are making an effort to communicate with each other.

I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again . . . marriage takes work. If you aren’t working on making your marriage better then you are probably taking your marriage for granted and that is not a good thing. Hurt and bitterness can easily come in when a person doesn’t feel like they are important to you.

So, set a reminder on your phone or computer to connect with your spouse (in a non-confrontational way) each day. Michael uses the reminder feature of the Love Nudge app to rub my arm or look into my eyes. :D Sometimes he does it in a very humorous way and we both get a good laugh, which is also building up our marriage. The point is . . . make an effort to better your marriage today. :)

Until next time, God bless,

Michele ºÜº

Create a Bubble to Protect the Marriage

We are so happy to have our long-time friends here this week. So since I didn’t manage to get the week’s blog posts written ahead of time, it’s going to be a short one. ;)

The other day Lauren told me something I thought was a really good idea. She said that when she (or Brian) get upset about something she will tell him that she needs to go in the bubble for a bit. This is done so that the individual can get their emotions under control and only say things that will help the situation.

She said something happened one day last week that infuriated her and that on top of a really hard day. She took a time out and then was able to come back a half hour or so later and have a constructive conversation that would benefit their marriage and not tear it apart.

This is such wisdom in my opinion. So many times, I have gotten upset and said something hurtful to Michael that I regretted saying later.

I hope you find this helpful and blesses you and your marriage.

Until next time, God bless,

Michele ºÜº

Added Benefit of Visitors

It’s good to have company come over. Yes, the obvious reason is for some good fellowship. But there is another good reason in my house. ;) It makes me clean a little bit better, a little bit deeper. :)

Our long-time friends are coming next week for a good visit. We are sooo excited because it has been a couple of year since we’ve been together. It’s always fun just being with each other. We may not do much with things the way they are right now, but we will have some good times.

However this also means that the room they’ll be staying in must be cleaned up. It’s become a catch-all for everything. We started moving bookshelves around MONTHS ago and have not completed the process and thus there are stacks of books and empty boxes and who know what else cluttering up that space. It will be soooo nice to have it back in some semblance of order again. :)

Even when company doesn’t stay overnight, we tend to tidy up a little bit more when someone different comes to the house for a visit. Yes, I wish I were the type of person that would just keep things immaculate but I’m just not that person. ;) So it is an added benefit to having someone over–a cleaner house.

Hmmmm, maybe I should pretend we’re having company every week. ;) :D

Until next time, God bless,

Michele ºÜº

How He Asks and How I Respond

Today I just share a reminder. Even though I have known for several years that when Michael asks me if I want to do something, he is really meaning to say would I do the thing. For example, if he asks me do I want to take a walk, he means would I take a walk with him. It is a subtle difference but really a big difference.

The first is asking if it is something I want to do, for which I answer according to my desire. The second is asking if I would do it with him. I am always more willing to do something for or with Michael, even if I am tired.

And even though I know all this, I still sometimes fail to remember this and respond appropriately.

So the reminder is to remember how your spouse asks for things and respond accordingly. ;) I know I needed the reminder.

Until next time, God bless,

Michele ºÜº