If your hubby did not meet up to your expectations, did you communicate those expectations to him?
On Monday when I was in the bathroom at the sink and hubby came in for something, I ever so subtly said, “I cannot believe Valentine’s Day is this Thursday.” Yeah, real subtle. But Michael has asked me before to remind him about things like this. He said, “Oh yeah!” and we both had a giggle. (Even writing this I’m smiling once again over it.)
Then on Wednesday, as I was again at the sink in the bathroom and he came in, I said something like, Wow, Valentine’s Day is tomorrow. To which he replied something like, Oh Yeah! and then muttered something about needing to go by the store.
Then later that evening as Tiffany and I were in the kitchen working on some Vday sweets, he was like, ummm, your gift is in two parts. I could tell he was feeling a bit bad about it but at this point in our marriage, I have learned that my hubby loves me and as long as he makes some kind of effort, I’m good (low expectations). So I laughed and said, So, you got me a card but nothing else yet huh? He laughed (as did I) and he said yeah. And honestly, I’m okay with it.
It did make me think though about how much I’ve grown over the years. In years past, I would have probably gotten bent out of shape because even after reminding him twice the week of the special day, he still forgot to have it ready. I probably would have cried or pouted or thought bad/sad thoughts but today, I’m secure knowing he loves me – no, he really really loves me and he does not take me for granted. Valentine’s Day is just one day a year and even when you add in the other special days of the year, it still pales in number to the other days . . . you can make any day be a special day.
So, I admonish you today, if your expectations of Valentine’s Day left you feeling sad or worse, reflect on why and then talk to your love about your feelings. Don’t attack him by saying something like, You hurt me . . . better to say something like, I really feel loved and cherished when . . . or, I know you love me but on special days like Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, our anniversary . . . I really feel loved when . . .
And then ask him what he likes. Michael and I did this years ago concerning cards. He used to make me cards and I’d spend a very long time selecting the right card for him from a store. As it turns out, he prefers the homemade cards and I prefer the store bought ones. So he now buys mine and I now make his, all because we had a nice calm conversation about it.
Oh and one really important thing . . . remember to pray about it too. It is important to ask God to help you with your expectations and to help you express your desires without frustration.
Until next time, God bless,