Previously I have talked about asking for what you need but there is a flip side to this. Treat others with the same care and concern that you’d like to be treated. This goes especially for your spouse.
Marriage is not all about me. Marriage is about creating an us. We are no longer just individuals; we are now two people joined together, no longer pursuing each individual’s desires alone but with another person right there with us.
Things you could do before, you may not be able to do any longer. Things you couldn’t do before, you may now be able to accomplish together because two are better than one. (I’m not saying that you can’t pursue separate things but more that you may have to make some adjustments to what you used to do.)
Don’t think you can go about making decisions all on your own. I used to be under the faulty assumption that I could plan things and do them during the daytime while Michael was working and he didn’t really need to know about it. I thought, how does it affect him? I’ll be here when he leaves and here when he gets back, the house will be as clean as if I were home all day, and dinner will be ready on time. I did not understand that men are wired differently. He is very protective of me. He looks out for me. He is on guard when he knows I will not be in the safety of our home all day. I don’t really understand all that goes through his mind, his thoughts and feelings, but I have grown to understand this and I like it. I feel protected and, yes, even loved.
Now I will be the first to admit that I didn’t always understand this. It just screamed of being controlling. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. He loves me. He hates to see me hurt. If I even hint that I have some new ache or pain, he is right on youtube looking for a solution. He finds them too. I had some sciatica pain a couple months ago and he found two or three youtube videos that helped relieve that pain. I then had a visit with our chiropractor (free birthday visit) and haven’t had that pain again.
I guess what I’m saying today is to appreciate your differences, make decisions that include your spouse together, and keep the lines of communication open. You don’t have to understand him but you do have to respect him and that he is different than you are.
Until next time, God bless,